Mountains tall. Gnomes small. LONG HAUL!

"We awoke in Calgary a little later than usual, but we were on the road with coffee in hand by 9 o' clock, human time.  The first stop we made was in Canmore, Alberta, where we got out to walk around the town and grab some food for the last leg of our journey."

"We soon made another stop to obtain some information about the area. Whilst we were perusing the information area, Leonard wandered off into the surrounding woods, and soon came running back yelling, "wizard friends! Come quick! So much cotton candy!"
We followed Leonard, so very curious about what he had found, and suddenly there it was: a huge mint ice cream colored cotton candy gorilla thing looming in front of Leonard (although he only came up to our knees).  After a conversation comprised of hand gestures and grunts, Leonard ascertained that the cotton candy gorilla is something like "the missing link" in the gnome evolution-- the technicolor Bigfoot of gnomes if you will...
When asked, "why is he so big?" Leonard replied, "uh, because it the Rockies! Everything is bigger here!" Ah ha.
So naturally the big fella agreed to join us for the rest of the journey and finally check out the distant city of Vancouver."

"As we passed Banff and the Lake Louise region we found ourselves at the foot of so many gigantic mountains and rocky spires, and the fact is, pictures really don't do them justice... but here is one for good measure. I cant imagine how they seem to little Leonard and his friends!"

"There was quite a lot of road work between the BC border and Revelstoke, so we were stopped a few times, but they gave us good chances to take in the scenery.
One time when we were creeping along at 5km an hour, Morty the swamp monster piped up and said, "you should ghost ride the whip!"
All the Canadians in the car gave him a confused look, but as a former Bay Area resident, I knew what he was talkin' about.  GHOST RIDE THE WHIP!"

"We were originally going to try to camp in Salmon Arm, but it did not tickle our fancy, so we decided to push through the remaining 5 hours to Vancouver. We needed to pull over in Kamloops for food, so we stopped to eat sandwiches in a riverside park.
We noticed that a movie in the park was being set up and whilst enjoying the warm air/late afternoon sun, Leonard said, "why don't we just stay here?" We all agreed, and hung out for a while longer.
We then went up the hill to try to get a cheap hotel room, but discovered that THE WHOLE TOWN had been booked up by 3,800 SENIOR CITIZENS because the BC Senior Games was in Kamloops this year.  We thought we could just use some magic on the situation, but there is a long standing wizard rule about using magical powers against seniors, so we were defeated. Extremely disappointed, we got back in the car shaking our fists out the window at those adorable old bats that beat us to the punch. Here is a shot of the sunset as we headed out of Kamloops."

"After a long night of driving, Leonard woke us up and we found miraculously that we were in our own bed!
"Come quick! The spell is complete! Its a miracle" exclaimed Leonard.
We jumped up to see what he was talking about, and saw that we were inside our NEW HOME IN VANCOUVER!  We walked outside in front of 2642 Oxford St. and found a spectacular little sight. Evidently, all that magic juju power we accumulated on the journey had manifested two little gnomes named Nick and Ashley, and they looked exactly like us!  No wait, they WERE us! Who would've gnome? Incredible. Just incredible.

All this magic and gnome creation calls for a family portrait.
"Come on everygnome! Get in here!"
Pictured left to right: Morty the swamp creature, Ashley the gnome version of Xelba, Leonard the Great and Powerful Canadian Gnome, Nick the gnome version of Zactus, Farris The Great Canadian BatBeaver, and The Cotton Candy Gorilla in the back.

Thank you for joining us on this fantastic voyage, and we will see you again when we drive back across this WONDERFUL COUNTRY OF MIRACLES again (because it was so friggin' fun)!

We needed a Medicine Glove, and we got a Medicine Hat...

"We woke up in our well deserved cabin feeling a magical pep in our step! But not too much pep that we couldn't have chillaxing morning. I caught Xelba in such a laid back lounge move, shown here:"

Once Coffee was brewed it was time for Zactus to grab a cup and enjoy the morning air flowing through his fiery beard.

"After the coffee put the pep into my step, I decided it was time to use my magic powers to take a human checker board, make it gigantic, and mop the floor with Xelba! Actually she beat the tar out of me but whatever..."

"Once we hit the road, we flew through the Saskatchewan prairies, waiting for somewhere that looked and sounded interesting...And there it was: MOOSE JAW! Sounds as bad-ass as a prairie town could possibly be, but apparently its "the Friendly City," so it must be well balanced."

"We decided to enter this town in search for this moose jaw, and BAM there it was, in all its plaster glory!  Leonard exclaimed, "I see a moose's jaw AND the rest of moose connected to it? HOT DOG!"
"Hot moose?" I suggested.
"No." replied Leonard.

"After that excitement, we hit the uneventful road, and suddenly something strange hit my nostrils. I gave Xelba a suspicious look and found she was looking at me the same way. We looked outside and saw a curious scene: a white snowy looking zone in the middle of grassy farm land that smelled like a fresh batch of eggy farts. We all had no idea what was really going on, but decided to call what just happened, "the fart snow."

"Now, I guess after the "fart snow," things got a little weird in the car. It all happened so fast but I think Leonard said something to the BatBeaver about there being fine dentistry where we were heading in Vancouver (making reference to his gigantic buck teeth of course).  The BatBeaver took that as a grand insult, and next thing I know, Leonard was screaming in agony and the BatBeaver has his right pinky in his mouth.
"Oh no! He bit off Leonard's pinky!!" exclaimed Xelba, "get him some medicine!"
"Ahh! Uh OK, well Medicine Hat is coming up! Maybe they can fix his finger there!"
But obviously they only fix heads and hair in Medicine Hat, so we had to wrap up his hand ourselves and tell him he had to deal with life without a pinky. I guess we needed Medicine Glove.
Oddly, once we kicked the bad BatBeaver out of the car, Leonard was not too upset."
*notice the bandaged hand in this photo:)

I guess this is the Medicine Hat? A giant iron teepee? Leonard gave no explanation.

Finally, we arrived in Calgary, where we reunited with our good friend, Mark Rabin.  Even though Leonard was our official guide in the land of Canada, Mark agreed to be our guide though the majestic metropolis of Calgary. After a delicious meal cooked by our new friends Rich and Alison, we headed out in search of a place called the Ship and Anchor. Upon entering, Leonard was thrilled to see all the stuff that was his size, like this awesome golden ship.  Leonard also met a very sexy mermaid that night but we will respect his privacy by not posting the scandalous photos.

After a few delicious pints at the Ship, we proceeded to a house party overlooking the magical downtown of Calgary.  We had a fabulous evening getting to know the friendly Calgarians, and Leonard made sure to get a photo of our friends, Mark and Rich before we left.

Aint no Fairies in the Prairies...We be gnomes!

"We were awakened on day 2 by a gigantic and loud train that thundered by out tent. We stepped outside to find the air warm and dry unlike our previous morning where everything was soaked. We hit the road with great ease (due to the packing spell that Leonard taught me yesterday), and before we knew it we had entered in to a whole new magical land: Manitoba!"

"To celebrate this milestone, Leonard said, "OK my turn to drive!" I hesitantly agreed and let him take to wheel but still was too nervous to let go of it myself as he had been chuggin' beers all morning."

"We noticed that we were about to pass the last lake before venturing into the sinister land of the prairies, so we stopped at Falcon Lake, where we discovered a charming beach."

"Naturally, once we got on the beach, Zactus felt the urge to play a little known traditional Wizard game, Whack-A-Ball. Whacker up!"

"While relaxing and snacking on the beach, Leonard noticed our exceptionally jolly moods and demanded that he take a picture of us together.  Awww, it even brought a tiny tear to this tough and stoic gnome's eye."

"It was all downhill from Eastern Manitoba, and soon enough, we were in the legendary prairies, where Leonard felt the need to present it to us in the normal way, by pointing at it with his tiny little muscular arm."

"Well, if anyone reading this has done this drive before, you know that everything looks pretty much the same until you hit Saskatchewan...then its more of the exact same thing."

About mid-way through Saskatchewan, we finally stopped at the Indian Head RV and Campground.  Some mysterious force beckoned us to stay in a tiny solitary cabin instead of our tent.  Upon entering, we discovered why we were drawn to this place. "Eeeeeek!" screeched an ugly little creature that was perched up above the door of our cabin.  Upon further inspection, Leonard reported that this creature was The Great Canadian BatBeaver, a rare animal and distant relative of the gnome!"

"Leonard and the BatBeaver soon became friends, and he convinced him to join us on our quest as well!"

What a magical sight of our lovely cabin underneath the moon light.

The Big Rock Canadian Bacon Mountains

"We woke up this morning to another fantastic sunrise on the Magpie River, in Wawa Ontario. We got up early so we could pack all of our wizard gear, but amazingly, Leonard just snapped his fingers and all of our our stuff started packing itself like The Sorcerers Apprentice. So, needless to say, BAM, we were on the road."

After a few hours heading West to Thunder Bay, we suddenly found our selves driving through the Big Rock Canadian Bacon Mountains, where we passed giant slabs of bacon on the highway!
"Too bad we are vegetarians" said Xelba.
"But I'm not!" shouted Leonard, "pull over now!"

After a few more hours, we needed to stretch our wizard legs (because we don't have a spell for that), so we stopped at the Aguasabon River Gorge, where Leonard told us an interesting story about the history of the area and the Hydro dam nearby, but we couldn't hear a word because he's a gnome and the falls were massive.

"Behold! The Aguasobon Falls! Let's shower together!" Leonard said. And we proceeded to do so as the mist washed our magical limbs.

"After an uneventful passing through Thunder Bay (us wizards are too keen on big cities), we started heading North and curiously happened upon a band of California Raisin hitchhiking to California?  Worried about their safety in rural Northern Ontario, we quickly picked them up and proceeded rock out with this charming bunch of dried fruit."

"Finally, we arrive at out campsite in Wabigoon, Ontario, where Zactus and Leonard took a load off and discussed the interesting story about the development of Whistler, BC, told by Xelba."

"After a nice meal, we went down to the dock on Lake Wabigoon to check out the sunset.  Suddenly, we heard a faint "rrraaaarrrkhhh" sound coming from the bulrushes. We looked down and found another little gnome creature that has somehow mutated into a hideous swamp monster. Xelba and I were frightened, but Leonard quickly talked the creature down, and convinced him to join us on our quest."

Wawa Wacky Wizardry!

"6:30 am: our magic alarm goes off, I struggled to open my eyes, let out a wide yawn and sat up in amazement to find little Leonard staring at me from the foot of my bed, packed and ready to go! "Come quick!" He said, "I gotta show you somptin.  We must look upon one more majestic Muskoka sunrise before we go."  I said, "OK."
"Oh, the majesty!"

"Shorty after this miracle of nature, we hit the road in Xelba's VW Jetta we have fondly named Puppy. It felt like it took 3 hours or so to leave "The Muskokas" because there are so many lakes along the way. Eventually we stopped in Sault Saint Marie, which Leonard claimed was the Algoma's Friendliest City.  We literally had no idea what he meant, but he seemed very happy to show us this gateway sign."

"We kept driving North from Sault St. Marie, and saw so many MOOSE XING signs, that we were constantly looking out the window in search of these elusive beasts, but only found bitter disappointment, as my good friend and fellow wizard, Jonny Canuck once experienced on the same route. Finally Leonard piped up and said, "oh, you wanna see a moose?"
"Yeah, Where?!" we replied.
"OK, I'll show you" said the booming little gnome voice, and he pointed towards a road stop with a store that said Canadian Carver.
"I'd like to introduce you to my friend Bruce." said Leonard
"Oh, very cute. Let's go" Xelba replied."

"We kept runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen our loads, and soon passed through Lake Superioir Provincial Park, which was quite a stunning drive. We stopped a gorgeous little beach, and finally took a load off for a bit."

"Behold! The Lake of Superiority!" announced Leonard.
"Are you sure it's called that?" Questioned Zactus.

"After a long day of driving, we finally arrived at our destination for the night, The Wawa RV and Campground, where we nestled into a quaint campsite next to the Magpie River. It felt good to finally get out of the motor vehicle and relax, eat some chili, build a fire, read some scrolls and rest up for the next day!"

Did you know that wizards are just really tall gnomes?

Greetings human beings!  You have entered the world of two wizards named Xelba and Zactus, who in actuality, are just giant gnomes blessed with magical powers! These very tall Gnomes have had many adventures that have taken them all over this planet and many others. Interestingly enough, these two fascinating sorcerers have been found wandering the vast lands of Canada in search of their mysterious and tiny ancestors, the Gnomes.

Among making spells and potions, turning stuff to other stuff, and blowing many humans minds, one of their favorite hobbies is "Gnome whispering."  They both love traveling around the globe making the secret "call of the Gnome" in order to beckon these elusive little creatures from their homes and hiding spots. After they have discovered one of these adorable little guys, they like to have an amusing chat, share a tasty beverage, and sometimes, an adventurous gnome will invite them to travel about their realm. One such magical journey was when they met Voltos, an Icelandic gnome who showed them his stomping grounds, documented here....

http://www.facebook.com/nickfabin/media_set?set=a.10150979016568852.538878.588778851&type=1

Anyway, that was all in the past.  Let's focus on the present shall we?  Xelba and Zactus are about to begin an EPIC QUEST ACROSS THE MAGICAL LAND OF CANADA!!!  They were visiting their human parents in the kingdom of Gravenhurst, Ontario, where they were partaking in several average human activities, when something miraculous happened: They came across a little Gnome named Leonard the Great Canadian Gnome!

Here's an intro, just to let you gnome...

"We were practicing our Gnome Whispering out in forest and all the sudden, out popped this curious little creature. He introduced himself as Leonard, and he explained that he is a the Grant Gnome Chief and Warden of the Land of the Great White North: Canada. We told him of our quest to venture West and not only did he offer to show us his home, but he said he would be our guide across this mystical country!"

"The first thing he showed us was his home, a place he called Mount Muskoka, which we mistook for a log sitting outside our human parent's house...my bad."

"He then proceeded to tell us of how he became the Grand Gnome Chief by receiving training from the Great Tree Spirit of Lake Muskoka, which I mistook for a plastic sculpture hanging in a tree...OK, I was a little off my Wizard game, but I am still just a tourist in his land so gimme a break..."

"Next, Leonard introduced me to his uncle, Captain Kenneth Jack Jr. who spoke the language of the majestic ducks and is captain of his very own ship, 'The Rub.'"

"He then we had the pleasure of joining the distinguished Captain on a little joy ride on Lake Muskoka (which must feel gigantic to these little guys)."

"Lastly, before preparing for our long voyage, Leonard insisted that we meet his beastly protector and trusty steed, Jasmine."

"Now we must get a good night sleep to prepare us for the long journey ahead with our new friend, Leonard the Great Canadian Gnome."